Tonight I can’t close my eyes for sleeping. Something always disturbs my mind. I highly miss my sweet home. I miss everything with my life particularly my little daughter, Diandra.
In my deep thinking my regret always comes. I can’t imagine why I come to Mysore, India, a city in a country I have never been thought before and. Also why I did not reject or changed my mind when I got a letter from Indian embassy that I got scholarship from ICCR (Indian Council for Cultural Relation). But, chiefly, after coming to my mind I keep away this and I say I should be grateful to Allah the greatest for the gift because He gave me a chance to study abroad and meanwhile others–some of them are notorious candidates with high competency in academic and English proficiency– should struggle to get this scholarship.
My deep regret is I should leave my daughter when she needs more attention from her parent. Being first year student in elementary school is very difficult for some students because they should adjust with new environment even most of them have experience come to kinder garden. Both are same as place for study but elementary school is real school where they will truly learn at first how to study. Meeting new friend is also such great experience for a child and it will keep in their minds for long time and maybe for lifetime because it’s first time schooling. I truly can’t do more except I just pray to Allah that He will guide her and of course my wife and my family.
Notwithstanding, Diandra is always coming in mind whole my days as if she is next to me or comes along behind me. When remember her in my room or wherever I go some time I burst my tear. It’s very sad and I can’t depict with my words how sad am I. Like a sorrow in my heart. From this I can understand why every parents are always worrying to their children even they are not children again. That’s why I understand why my parents always ask me whether I am fine or no, whether I have money or no. It shows how deep the love our parents are.
Still in my memory when Diandra was born. I was in doctor’s room to accompany my wife and to give her spirit to give birth at first. I knew that husband’s presence next to his wife while giving birth will increase her spirit to struggle. I was there from night to morning when Diandra was born. While a nurse left room dropping a baby box and told me: sir, this is your daughter. Masha Allah, how beautiful she is. Then I grabbed to touch her and gave adzan near to her ears. Afterward, fed her honey through her lips because she could not open her mouth.
I was grateful for giving me such a nice baby with perfect body. I prayed to Allah wished my little daughter would become a good daughter, a righteous person who always obeys His rules and her parent. There is no happiness to parent except their children become good person.
Mysore, 25 March 2013